From my childhood, I have always been afraid of loosing people. Be it whether the fear of someone’s death or the fear of parting from someone, I have never been able to tackle situations as such. I love being around people, smiling, making memories, spending time with them and in due course, I get so much attached to them that I begin to love their presence around me, I begin to love them getting involved in me. Closeness grows, friendship grows, love, faith, trust, everything grows with time but with that grows my fears. Fears of separation, fears of loosing the person, fears of the so-long bond, that costed so much effort, being broken. And this fear grabs me so hard that it makes me do what nobody should ever. Listening to whatever the person says, obeying every order, never ever refusing to do a job, silently listening to all kinds of abuse, not even speaking a single word even in immense pain. Call it my love or my foolishness, it is how I am, it is how I have been created. But everybody can’t take in so much goodness, they try to take in advantage. They try to destroy your soul from inside cause they know you won’t utter a single word even if they go on torturing you forever! People like us are hard to find and easy to fool.
I have seen a lot of people in my eighteen years of life. I have had people in my life! I have also been in a situation where I had loved a person so much that I could give away anything for him. He didn’t pay the right price for it. Caring so much made me loose my value, loving so much made me desperate. I was his 4 a.m. friend and would be there at his beck and call. But what did he pay for it? Abuse!
For the past 1.5 years, I have heard all kinds of abuse. From being a “motherfucking idiot” to an “useless cunt”, I have heard it all. Almost daily! When was asked, he had a readymade reply, saying which he thought, his brutal behavior would be excused. He said, “I just said it cause I was being funny!”. I do not understand what kind of fun is to abuse a girl in whatever way you can. My parents didn’t teach me such high levels of funniness. Today, I spoke up! Right now I am feeling so victorious, so free! Though my protests led him to insult me more and finally go away, but this separation didn’t flutter me at all.
This was the separation I have been fearing and when it finally happened, it made me stronger! We often start thinking of the worst consequences and not of a beautiful start before taking a step. I am proud of myself! Letting negative people out of your life makes it simpler. Negative people attract negative vibes. Throw them out and you will see how immensely beautiful your life is! Just as I am feeling right now. I feel as HAPPY AS A FLYING BIRD…..
8 thoughts on “Happy As A Flying Bird”
Ah . . . but are you really free of him?
He’s on your mind. You’re typing your fingers about him. You’re recollecting the events, which means you’re reliving them.
All in all, it sounds as if somebody still has a hold on you.
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Well, when somebody comes to your life, you remember them lifelong! They place a deep cut somewhere in your heart which you can’t forget. Being free doesn’t mean I do not remember him, it means I have no feelings left for him. His memories doesn’t bother me anymore. It doesn’t bother whether he stays or leaves. He hasn’t any hold on me! His memories doesn’t influence me anymore!
Thankful for the ending!!!! All throughout the post I just wanted to step away, step away and I am glad you did.
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I know right!! Yesterday I was feeling so free! Throwing away negative people makes everything beautiful and I was feeling good for standing up for myself !
Hey, really proud of you for standing up for yourself and realizing that you have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. This looks very clearly like abuse and I’m glad you recognised it and your worth and walked away. Please always remind yourself of these feelings if he were to ever come back with empty apologies because you deserve better! Take care 🙂
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thank you so much for reading out my blog! Your support means a lot! I will surely remember what he did to me for lifelong. Take care!!
my son and i curse each other out. it is the thaing about being familiar. lose not loose. btw
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Bt cussing your a lady for no reason is just an abuse! As the incidents go by in my blog