Aimless Texts

I have no idea of what I am gonna type right now. We broke up four hours ago and I ain’t stable right now. I do not know what’s happening but I know right at this moment that “Never let anybody hurt your self respect and get away with it”. If they do it once, they will do a thousand times without regretting for once!

My boyfriend and I had been in a 1.5 years of relationship. During this time, I have been blocked 3 to 4 times, have been shouted at for no reason, have been ghosted several times, have been cussed at almost everyday. The boy did not even stop talking shit of my parents, cussing them as well. He occasionally mocked at my community, the place from where I belong!

For all these 1.5 years, I was just taking in all of his shit. I didn’t say a word in the fear that something tragic might happen, our relationship might end up. But how long can you tolerate abuse? Should you tolerate abuse? Should you let your self-respect be constantly destroyed just because you love the person? And if the person truly loves you, would he ever repeat doing things that hurt you?

I am a Bengali. My parents, their parents even their parents have been born in Bengal. I, as a person, loves to respect every religion, caste, gender and community and would love to see everybody doing so. My boyfriend belongs to another community (he ain’t a Bengali neither he is from Bengal not he has been to Bengal ever). His family doesn’t like Bengalis and so does he. The reason is that, all those one or two Bengali people they know have not been very good to them. Disliking those one or two, makes them hate the whole community. But I am not talking of that, everyone has their choices. But as I am a Bengali, I expect him to respect me, my parents but he doesn’t. Continuously he cusses me, my community. Texts me tough words which ofcourse enrages me but for so long I have been silent.

Today he texts me again saying that he doesn’t like Bengalis at all, neither does his mom and dad. He thinks Bengalis are motherfuckers and too cunning. He also thinks that he would love to stay away from a community that is such a cheat! (He wrote many more things which are so inappropriate and vulgar that I can’t write it down here).

I couldn’t take him anymore. It was enough. For 1.5 years I have been silent, thinking he would change someday, he would respect me someday but that wasn’t the case! Lastly when I spoke up for myself, for my self-respect, the boy who forever told me that he can’t stay without me, bid me an easy goodbye. He also said, the breakup won’t bother him anyway and he gives no fuck. How long did he think of troubling me? But the pain I suffered in all these years was enough to tell me “he’s not the one”.

Lastly, he said that I wasn’t capable of being his girlfriend and that he wants a more intellectual and mature girl cause he thinks I cannot match his maturity levels (seen a lot of examples of him being mature). He cussed me an another round and went away!

I ain’t sad cause he’s gone. I ain’t crying, remembering sweet memories cause I can’t find any. I am just thinking did I do the right thing? But ofcourse I did. Nobody has a right to abuse me, to disrespect me! If there had been love in his heart, he would have thought twice before leaving. If there had been feeling for me, it would have made him love me, not abuse me.

Lastly, Love has never been smooth for me. The people I met have all left a painful mark in me. I do not know if it’s my nature that makes it all happen, I care for people too much and give them a lot of time to get stable. Walk away from abuse! It’s tough but not impossible!