Once Love

Hey, wordpress! When does it hurt the most…when the person you always expected that would hurt you hurts or the person who you never thought of being this far is actually far? I guess the second option. This love for me was like my lifeline. I am into it completely, and the “prince charming” of my fairytale forever is my boyfriend Adam. But nobody ever taught that little girl that fairytales do not exist and neither the “happily ever after.” My mind has always revolved around the image of a “prince” that might come for me, make me know what love is, what is truth. In the search, I have been abused, broken into pieces, and torn apart many times. While on the verge of leaving hope I met “HIM.” Yeah him…
He was everything I ever wanted, everything I ever dreamed of. The sweet-sour boy as if was straight from my book of tales, and he came for the little girl who had been waiting for him for so long. I really, really, fell so deep. Never have I ever been, never. But this story is not about the fairytale, it’s about a lost one….

Writing this with so much pain. I do not know how much I would be able to pen down here. You know Adam, I daily listen to the lofis we used to listen on discord, together… You do not know. I do not know why I miss my lover, Adam. Where did I lose you, babe? Was it all my fault? I miss the way you made me smile while having tears and earphones now. Is that all normal? Can I ever tell you this…I did lose my lover, I am trying oh god, I am trying so hard to find him. Why do these lofis have so many memories stored in them. The way you and I were far in distance but so close to heart and now listening to them, I can’t stop thinking how we are far being close physically.

Yeah, you were and will always be the man of my fairytale. And I would be your princess. Through the memories stored in the core of my heart, I would always feel the pain that I might have lost it all. Yet isn’t it good? At least those memories will come back to me, does it even matter if they give me pain? There was once a time they made me smile. I can’t speak, babe, I can’t. I can’t speak all I want to. So maybe it reflects as my anger or me being upset. I can’t speak all I feel, but the terrible pain is eating me alive daily. Even crying gives me no peace. I can’t breathe. My chest feels heavy.

Once you loved me, you still do but once you loved me endlessly. Was it my fault that I lost all of it? I really tried babe…

Isn’t it amazing? A few songs can be so cruel and peaceful at the same time. They can tear you apart little by little in pieces yet in peace. Somehow, I still love to cry and smile, listening to them cause they are the only way to get back to my lover, the one kept carefully in the depth of my memories. I call him to reality this way, the “prince” of my fairytale…

I lost him…

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