Fuck Expectation

Well, life can be tough sometimes. Mainly when you are in a long distance relationship. For most of time you really don’t know what to do. What wrong and what’s right. What should be done what not. What to feel and what not. Sometimes you get really messed up in the pool of your own thoughts. I do the same. Things seem to upset me sometimes but a little later I begin to feel that I have been thinking too much over petty matters and if I continue being this itchy, my partner’s gonna end up getting irritated of my habits soon. I do not understand on what matters I should be really upset about and on which ones I am basically overthinking. Sometimes I feel I am being too much toxic. And this is gonna have an adverse effect on long terms. I know he is really sweet and calm but that doesn’t obviously give me the right to show my anger every time I feel or be upset about every little thing. I sometimes feel sad that he has to bear such a terrible girlfriend, which he does will all respect. I do not want to make him feel sad but he’s my only friend and I can’t stop myself from sharing what I feel.
I feel lonely. Maybe it’s just my fault. I expect too much. Unrealistic expectations….
Years ago I had promised myself not to expect cause it hurts, it really does. Yet again I have started to build my world of expectations and fairytale. It crashes too much and hurts me. I should understand. I am feeling just not right now. Somewhere deep down it’s paining. I wanna write, write whatever the fuck I am feeling but god, its so unexplainable! I just wanna burst out in tears. Every time my phone’s buzzing around, I run to look up to the notification, finding there’s nothing whatever I am expecting. Huh! again this “expectation” shit. It will destroy me someday I swear. I swear…

I am just not able to write anymore, I am sorry. Let this blog be till here today…