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Dear Me,

It’s been almost a week since I last wrote and I was so determined to write everyday. I blame myself for this cause I couldn’t finally make up my mind to start writing over again except until today. Well I had ordered three novels from amazon and I received them quite early. I was so very much excited for them (well I am still now! reading and completing all of them). It’s been years I had last read a novel or a book of literature. From my childhood I felt a great attraction towards literature and used to sit under the sun, drying my hair with a book of Ruskin Bond. He grew to be one of my favourite writers then and ofcourse I preferred him cause I could see my life through his writing. He’s absolutely amazing to me till today. Well these books are amazing too, I love reading them and they so much resonate about the life of me, the life of a common girl, or a common boy. Unlike some books or people just talking about the rich and powerful, I love things which shall talk about the common man. Cause it’s the majority of the population ofcourse.
Even though I am in a complete urge to finish these novels and get the story, I love to see them laying beside me whenever I sit or sleep or do whatever. I somehow feel happy by just seeing the lovely colourful paperbacks they have! These books are those that I have been longing for over six months and I wasn’t allowed to read any literature or novels for an entire three years cause I was meant to focus only on “science” and crack stupid exams. Well lets not talk about that cause I do not want to make this blog dark.
During the six days of my break from writing, I had watched a lot of horror movies. My boyfriend and I have been watching them together on skype (long distance tragedies, you know, you just can’t sit together). I have a special interest in paranormal and horror and stuffs but I have been so immensely interested in all of them that the feeling of horror has just evaporated from me. I do not feel frightened anymore, watching any kind of horror stuffs, which mostly scares the shit out of people (and this is something I like to boast about!). I end up laughing at the end and crack silly jokes which might be a reason for lightening up the moment of intense horror (Duh!)
Nothing about my parents could be spoken good during the last six days, ofcourse even during the last three years as well. I have learnt to be happy myself. I gotcha page on instagram where I have started posting my arts. The initial response was overwhelming (more than I had expected) but the recent one somehow did not satisfy me. Nothing would have been possible without my sweetheart getting involved to help me out. Getting back my life on track feels good, loving myself, my life, my surrounding and my honey feels best. All the things that I always liked, all the dreams I ever had, I will walk towards all of them. Starting from the small ones itself, as I have described before.
Reading literature, painting, might not seem a great achievement to you but it is for me cause it’s been three years or more that I have started things all over “again”. the picture changes when this “again” word comes into play. And then you realize how much those little things in life rendered you immense happiness that you always ignored. On the process of loving myself daily, I sometimes get hurt by my parents but that makes me stronger day by day. I have learnt to live with the hurts and wounds, nothing bothers me now (or else, it bothers me a little sometimes, I get raged up, but I have learnt to cool down faster). My parents still think I am a looser, I do not mind. Everyone has their own ways to define loss or success, so do they, so do I. According to me I have emerged as a winner, leaving all my depressions, all the insults they give me or has given me, leaving my hateful past behind, I have started everything all over again, step by step, I have learned what I want what I do not. Maybe my meaning of success do not match with many, I do not care. It’s not necessary I should resonate with everybody and thus decide my choices, my life. Oh yeah, I have also learned how to not care about everything but myself and the people who truly love me. That’s an important lesson. Many people do not get it even at their eighties. I got in my eighteen!

Love
Myself

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