I Don’t Want To Dream Anymore

I don’t want to dream anymore, for, whenever I do, I feel things slipping off my hand. Whatever I dream, whenever I dream, it never comes true. Yet I dream! I love to indulge myself into a world that’s far from reality. Everyday I dream. And slowly I begin to feel it to be true, even though it’s not. But the satisfaction I achieve from within is immense. But sometimes I fear, what if one day I wake up and see the light around me has vanished? What if one day I need to face the reality? What is one day my dream shatters into pieces and there’s no one to put them together again?

I want an escape from this reality. When I am living in this world full of negativity, I am hurt again and again so I blend myself into my own world, a world where there’s no barrier, a world where I can feel, touch and experience things that I wish to. My mom says I am too careless and everytime lost somewhere. What she doesn’t know is that loosing myself gives me immense pleasure. The satisfaction from within is highly unmatched! Am I too crazy to do this to myself? I wonder…

Facing the world is tough for me! I ain’t some weird, stone-hearted person that I depict to be. But that’s how the world sees me. But when in front of the mirror I stand, I seek through it’s glasses, the softness in my soul, the sweetness in my frame! I open up to very few people cause I don’t find anybody to match my frequency. In this wide blank world, my world is little. I need that one person to be strong enough to show his softness to me. It requires great courage to face the world with a soft heart and a broad mind. I have seen many in my eighteen years of life behaving too silly, unable to control themselves. I want somebody who keeps the courage to handle me and I can handle him as well! I know it’s rare to find somebody matching every bit of me, so I love staying in my world of dreams! A world where there’s nobody to hurt, nobody to leave, nobody to break me.

As I am growing and drifting from a phase of complete childhood to a new emerging adulthood, I am beginning to feel that it’s most important to be self controlled and grow into such a woman that nobody dares to break me. Even a few months back, when people used to hurt me, I used to cry, shout, scream and move with a red face for four days but today when people try, I take it lightly and convert it into a horrible joke and backfire so hard that the person on the other side shuts up immediately. In this case, nobody is hurt, yet the importance to respect me has been established!

Fine with me!! I am happy with my life. Dreaming all day, searching for love, life and happiness has been closed off for the moment. I am currently busy creating my own happiness and most importantly, loving myself!! Yeah!! Let’s not be upset about anything….