As I am growing, learning to judge things better, learning to analyze things more before taking a step, I am finding it more difficult to go ahead with anything. As a little, I used to jump into situations courageously, blindly. Hop around the problems, cry, shatter, and stand up again but it’s so different now. Me, as myself, feels totally changed from what I used to be to what I am now. I am scared!! Yes, I am scared. Taking decisions seem so grueling. I have started looking into the future consequences that might take place if I take the step forward….
Why am I scared of love? Why am I confused all the time? Why do I keep moving away? Why do I find it difficult every time my heart falls for someone? Is it just because I have been shattered multiple times by someone or is it because I don’t want to be hurt again? Why my mind blows around so many questions now? Why there comes a border between relationships and career? Why do I have to choose between them? Why can’t I take both along?
What have you done to me? You are gone….You won’t return. But your actions have taken away my trust from everyone. I have left believing even in myself. You made me scared of falling for someone. You made me run away from truth. You made me spoil my softness. Yes, you made me grow up! I ain’t running around aimlessly anymore. I ain’t laughing unnecessarily anymore. I ain’t remembering you anymore. Are you happy now? I have started questioning anything and everything. Have started becoming “selfish”. Have started changing so much that sometimes when I look at myself into the mirror, I find someone else! Not me anymore!
No, I ain’t that crazy, silly yet strong girl. I have become a coward, scared of life, scared of loving someone. Have started disbelieving every of my decisions now. Are you happy now? You won’t ever return….I don’t want you to….But you changed me so well. Made me “GROW UP”, killing the innocence in me…….
A Beginner's Dream 