Darkness Of My Soul

Welcome back to me after a long long long time. Seems like its been ages since I spilled out what’s in the bowl of my heart but you can’t blame me for that!! I have been too preoccupied recently followed by a certain pause. Spent my vacation going back to my roots after so long. All of which was a great experience! So much has happened since and I have so much to say.
I got admitted in a college. A completely different phase of life reminds me, “I am growing!!”. While I have been lonely for so many years, not having a friend or any reliable person around me which eventually made me start blogging, I feel a bit happier now. I do not know how much of my current feelings I’ll be able to express through the following passages but I assure it’s different! For the past eighteen years of my life, I have seen lots and among them loneliness was my mightiest enemy. Depression grabs a mind more easily when there’s nobody to speak to, nobody to understand. I do still feel the world is becoming a lonely place day by day.

I like meeting people, making friends, cheering up, having fun, going completely crazy sometimes, running through the woods, getting drenched in the rain, touching the mist. I am like this, I have always been like this. Situations tend to change the “Inner ME”.

A new phase of my life….hmmm….so how’s it?
It’s different!! Completely different. I do feel nostalgic seeing small children in school uniforms and suddenly realizing my time is up, but still I like the vibe of adulthood taking over my soul. I understand things better now, am able to analyze myself, am beginning to understand myself- what I want….What I need….What I love? I got a whole new community of people and some of them are really sweet, some bitter, some sour… overall, a perfect mixture. Me and my brand new friends have been greatly connected lately. Though I have good contacts with just a few, it’s a great feeling! Got some new class chatrooms where there’s no limit to overflowing messages and unlimited notes accessible whenever anybody needs.I feel great about it!!

The most important part of everything is my fight with loneliness. I am working on it but sometimes it’s just so bad, just so intolerable. Makes me cry, scream from the bottom of my heart. My parents still feel I am useless but they never know the inner struggle I am going through. While I smirk, maybe I am crying on the inside. It’s only me who knows the multiple wars I have achieved and most of them were entirely with myself, with my mind. I never gave up. The struggle is still on but I still never give up. Maybe I will soon overcome this darkness that has been poisoning my soul for so long.

I want nothing from life. Just let me live the way I want…..