Being a teenager, maybe I haven’t seen much of life, maybe I ain’t grown enough to talk of life, happiness, truth, maybe my mind isn’t mature enough to understand the realism behind things but yet this doesn’t keep me away from writing my feelings out. Quite a few days ago I was extremely dissatisfied with myself, with life. Working too hard yet not achieving expected results, not being able to make my parents happy, receiving constant insults, watching students, way average than me, achieve better ranks, not being able to run under the sky, being constantly locked within my bald walls were some of the many reasons of my disappointment.
I was suffering through a phase of depression which ultimately began affecting me physically. I have been diagnosed with a migraine and is advised to go through a CT Scan within a few days. I always used to be too stressed. Preoccupied with every kind of struggle to meet my expectations, I had no time for myself. Ranks, score cards, marks, expectations, as if chocked me. My depression went to the level where I even thought life wasn’t worth living.
How did I overcome? How am I right now?
With no less dark circles than before and a few more white hair (due to stress), I am a teenager still struggling to get better. I have always known myself to be a fighter. Even my mom says so. I never learnt to give up. Quite a few days ago when I was sitting aimlessly, with no hopes left from life, a sudden idea struck my mind. Am I not the same girl who fought every depression, harassment, betrayal and ran her way towards victory? Am I not the same girl who wiped her tears and stood up every time? Yes, I am. I still am. Maybe a bit matured than before, maybe a bit stronger!
I had my National Level Exam today. I didn’t freak out at all. I was calm. It went well. I do not cry under my pillow anymore. I am so satisfied with life. A gentle calmness, as if, has cast it’s spell on me. No amount of insult shatters me anymore, no amount of failure stops me. It seems a kind of “Emotional Immunity” I have developed in me. Withstanding so much pressure, stress, expectation was enough of an exercise for my little brain. It now reacts no more.
The one thing I learnt is, Expectation is good but too much may ruin you. Never expect anything in excess cause you can’t foresee the future. You never know what turn it takes. Time has the ultimate power.
The day I left immense expectations, I got a “New Smile” on my face. A new calmness and emotional balance has grabbed me. I ain’t restless anymore. Maybe this teenager has not much experience but from the little she has she can say for sure, Life is beautiful. We just overlook it’s beauty to meet what we think is beautiful!
As for, How am I?
I am fine with a new found smile and a new “Beautiful Life”!