From quite some days or maybe some weeks, I have seen not many red dots appear on my bell. With vacant notification bars, I await for somebody to look up to my writeups. I feel sad and solemn. Not many likes or follows. Not many friends to talk. I am eighteen yet have no Social Media. Neither I use Instagram or have a profile on Facebook. Neither my Whatsapp notification rings and tells me that somebody has finally remembered me nor my WordPress shows me that my words and essays have been liked. I do not have friends.
Now it may occur to you that how can a person be so lonely? But yes I am. Being new to this city I do not know anybody around. I do not even know who lives next to me. Not much talkative people do you get here. Being in a new school and spending most of the two long years in lockdown, didn’t let me make good friends. Though I got a boyfriend but he doesn’t seem to be too mad to talk to me. He has a flock of friends, a thousand messages on Whatsapp, a shining profile on Linkedin and many more. But he is kind. He replies to my messages within three hours, sometimes four.
I literally have nobody to share my issues. Yesterday I talked to my boyfriend regarding this. Whenever I am in agony, I try to share things with him (I have nobody else) but the ultimate result turns out to be not so soothing. In the end he laughs and says, “you feel bad for this? Oh, I experience such things everyday”. I subside. Cry alone. Yesterday I said him so. He replied that sorrows of OTHERS doesn’t affect him much. He is not that guy who would console you when you feel depressed. He is not that guy who would stay by your side when you feel lonely, but would ultimately laugh at your disappointment. I do not share things with anybody now. None in this world has enough time or patience to listen to.
So does this makes you feel that I am totally lonely? Definitely not! I have the vivid sky, the colorful clouds, the hopeful sun, the cheerful birds, the mesmerizing leaves. They all talk to me. They listen to me endlessly. They never get annoyed. They never tell me to stop. They listen….and keep on listening, not saying a single word. They are not humans but they are more faithful than a human. The sky never leaves me. I cry, it rains. I smile, it shines.
Today, I was just laying on my bed, thinking if I wasn’t posting content that is good enough, if people did no longer find my stories awesome. Suddenly I realized my purpose. The purpose of opening a “SECRET” WordPress account with an imaginary name “Skylinerise” is to let all my feelings be written down and collected somewhere. Letting nobody know who the real author is, for if people know they would know my hidden stories, the stories I kept within me for long enough. The reason of my writeups is to let my mind out. I have nobody to talk, so I talk to myself through my writings. It doesn’t matter if there are no likes or follows. I write to let myself be known to me. I write to let my heart out.
Lastly stay safe. Stay happy.