Things I Wanted To Say

Part-1: Will You Please Understand Me….

I wish I could shout out. I wish Somebody would have listened. This is just not just a story. This is my life, fastened…

I did shout out, in my heart. Though my voice was terribly inaudible (as I am not allowed to speak) I thought somebody would listen to my tears. But nobody did. When I couldn’t hold it anymore, I shouted. I cried. I laughed the most painful smile. Yet nobody cared just because I am a teen and is supposed to have no emotions, nothing to complain about. Yes, I am a teen. I am eighteen and at the last stage of my school life. The story began almost four years ago when I was in class nine. From my childhood I had been a very studious person. I loved to study, for those books had beautiful pictures and bright colours that attracted me more than anything. As you grow up, colours begin to fade, from books as well as from life and you are left with none but just a bunch of black and white pages. I do not know how to put this story in a single page but I will try my best!

When I was too small to think, it was decided that I would be taking up science in high school. It was even decided that I was supposed to be a doctor. As I grew up, my mind went a bit on the other side. I started to love dance, art and literature more than anything else. I loved these three things so much that I couldn’t think of anything else. Wherever I went, be it the prestigious olympiad examination in english or the british council or the “Spell-Bee” contest, I achieved something or the other. Prizes that would inspire me more on the line. In class nine, shattering all their dreams I said to my parents that I would not take up Biology in high school yet they kept on trying to convince me until they finally gave up. Four years ago, they admitted me in a coaching institute for the most prestigious “IIT-JEE” examination preparations where almost every year 10 lakh student slay their lives, their childhood and everything they had while only 10k gets a seat. I am a part of the 10 lac crowd and for the past four years I too have destroyed my happiness, my emotions, my hobbies, likes and dislikes.

During admission I achieved a 100% scholarship and had to pay a minimal amount and like every other institute, they as well, thought the students to have been equipped with every fucking knowledge before they even enter their classrooms for the first time. I do not know what the hell is wrong with these people? If every, and I mean EVERY fucking student would have the worldly knowledge then why on earth would they ever set their foot on your fucking institute? In my ninth standard they began with the syllabus of eleventh, with all the complicated calculations of molecular chemistry and high standard geometry, trigonometry and arithmetic in maths, added to the intricate problems in physics for a child who had just finished her eighth standard a day before and had no proper idea what exactly a “velocity” and a “speed” was.

Everything went over my head. It just flew. I began to copy whatever would be written on the wicked green-board, not understanding a word of it. Yes, I was slow. I am a person with a mind that understands things fast-faster-fastest but it’s retention capacity is low. If there would be somebody who would sit down quietly and make me understand every bit properly, I bet I am the most terribly sharp person. I would catch up the concept and retain it for life long. But in this competitive world nobody has neither the time not the energy nor the willingness to help a student like me! Everyone is just running in a long race. You cannot take a pause to think and act. You just have to keep running, If you take a pause, you may die in a stampede. I wonder, did I ever wish to be in a race like this?

I am so sorry. This one single page couldn’t hold my story. The next part will arrive soon. Be in touch and if you are another like me then please do share your story.

Lastly, stay safe. Stay happy.

Love ya!!