She was a lioness in a birdcage
A bird in the depths of the sea
She was powerful and free
But she was not
Where she was meant to be.
Watching the endless orange sky I could find many unknown colours in it as I sat by the railway track every twilight, watching the colours fade by as evening covered them up. Those colours gave me hope to stand back again, believe in myself and in my life. Loosing what I never had need not be as painful as it was but loosing myself was my biggest nightmare. I was at the end of my tenth standard. The whole year I didn’t study. Not even did I touch my books. I was so hypnotized by the temporary “happiness” life had brought to me which faded away as soon as it came. Just a month left for my final exams and I was expected to excel with flying colours. It was only me who knew how I had ruined the whole year and the exam was not just at my door rather standing in my room! I had no clue what to do, where to begin. I was already broken and shattered. My dreams were lost, I needed time to regain myself. But I had no time in hand. To my utter surprise, the day of our pre boards examination arrived too soon. I wasn’t prepared. I knew I wouldn’t score well. Yet I had to.
How much do you expect to cover up in just one day? Yet I had been witty from my childhood and would somehow manage to write the correct answers even if I had no clue to it (I do not know how I did it. Do not think I used to cheat. I never did!). I somehow managed to get a 91% but all my other competitors got way higher. One got 97%, another got 96%. There was the FOREVER-TOPPER boy in our class who topped everytime since the 6th standard. A month was still left for the finals. I did not know how to cover. I wished I could go back and slap myself to stop being an asshole! I knew the FOREVER-TOPPER boy might have been done with his syllabus and would be revising for the 50th time! And it was me who had started studying just a month before.
I do not know from where I got the power (and why don’t I get it now?) but I studies day and night for a month. Maybe I knew it was the only way to get back what I had lost, my LIFE.
I remember, two months after the examinations were over, I was sitting on my bed, watching Tarak-Mehta while my phone rang and it was my father. The board had announced the results all of a sudden. I wasn’t prepared for it. While my father called out the marks to me, I was too tensed (so much that I pressed my keypad with such force that it became disabled forever!). After the results I couldn’t stop my tears. The tears were not because I had succeeded but more because I had given joy to my parents who once were ashamed of me. The tears were because I could now see a different sunrise, a sunrise of a new beginning.
I topped my school and stood second in the district. My name has been written in our school topper’s board forever. Even though I have left the school two years back, I am still remembered! How amazing is life. It lets you lose and shows you the way to win, It lets you to fall and supports you to stand.
I would never forget my fight. It wasn’t easy for me. I do not know how much I am able to explain but the feeling is way beyond words.