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A Depression Story

Part-IV: Destroyed Myself

This part of my story had been always too sensitive for me. It shaped the way I am today and the way I was. There are many secrets to reveal. Maybe I would not be able to remember all of them as in my past I had tried harder to forget all of it, some will forever stay in my mind.

The last part looked into my life at the end of eighth standard. Soyan and I had been friends or maybe a little more for nine long years and gradually it all started to fade and lastly ended. A year or so passed by. My parents made me leave my dance as well as drawing classes by then for they thought there was no need of any “bullshits” except studies. I had always been quite a good student from my childhood, getting “A” grades in all my subjects but something huge was awaiting for me. By the end of ninth standard, I met a guy online. Let’s call him Henry. Henry and I never saw each other, it was just all over the internet. We were just friends. Started talking, chatting more and more everyday. I remember seeing his photo for the first time on my fourteenth birthday (maybe). I was really childish. I truly was. I would love to slap that fourteen year old girl right on her face. Truly believe me, Love made online, can never last (except for very rare case). And nobody should make that mistake again (if you are with a guy online, Please do not mind, what I say is what I have experienced).

We used to chat and talk all day. I had no personal handset so I used someone’s at home. We talked and talked and talked (god knows what was there to talk so much with that bullshit). And gradually like an INNOCENT BABY, we were in a relationship. A long distance relationship with a guy online (oh heaven! I even feel like hitting myself while writing this). We chatted for some months. He gave me hopes of meeting me a year later. I was just going to finish my ninth standard and he was in eleventh. Everything in that relationship affected by studies, my career, my hobbies and my relationships with my family and friends. I was then, a totally changed person. The guy manipulated me so hard that I could, as if, do anything for him. I didn’t bother about anything else.

My friends told me to move away from him. I didn’t listen. Caroline told me and begged me to control myself. I didn’t listen. Slowly and gradually I drifted away from everyone. Destroying my relationships with my friends and even with Caroline. Out ten years of friendship finally ended in a fuss. I was blind or may be somehow hypnotized. We used to chat all day. I fucked up with my studies. Grades began to fall. This “me” was totally unknown to myself. I do not even understand that “me”. I have named her “THE UNKNOWN GIRL”. By the end of class nine, from being a good student all my life, I had turned to an average.

Lately, my parents came to know of all the fuss I was making in my life. They asked me who the guy was. I had to say that he belonged to my school. They tried to stop me but I wouldn’t. As if I was being carried by a bad dream in a direction I never intended to reach.

After some months of all kinds of chatting, he said me over the phone that we should breakup. It was so all of a sudden for me. Whatever happens, it has always been very impossible for me to let go of the person I love. I am a girl who tries to settle things by discussing out. I was so carried out then that I had to beg him not to go (fuck that silly girl). He was like, as if I should be honored that he was with me. Well everything was settled for then (of course nothing was). I was just an option for him. I never understood that. He talked to me when he was bored out of everything. Slowly everything was fading. It was hurting me. That single person for whom I lost everything, my friends, my career, my family, my best friend. That single person who made me a beggar. That single person who made me ashamed in front of everyone, I knew.

The relationship with my parents was then like an outsider. Nobody used to talk to be or believe in anything I said. They had left all hopes of me and surely why wouldn’t they. I am their only child who had gone all the way wrong. Slowly Henry faded. I used to wait for hours or even for days for a single message. I used to cry all of the nights. My tears were not just of his unfaithfulness but for the way my life had gone all wrong. I saw my life going into a dungeon right in front of my eyes. Loosing my family, my career, my friends, I did not know how to start again. When Henry left me I was all alone in this entire world. I had nobody to stand by me, guide me. I had lost all of them and I was the reason for whatever I was going through.

I remember the last day we talked Henry said to me that he had to go away for studies (and that was not the real reason) and would surely one day return back to me. I asked him “when?”. He NEVER replied. For he was already gone. I waited for maybe more than a year, he never returned.

I was too silly to believe a person I didn’t ever know. But I was much sillier to loose the people who actually loved me. I felt like dying when I was left with nobody to stand for me. I felt like everything was over. But as it is always said, even in extreme situations of life, you can always find a path out. I did so too. All ALONE!

In the next part my ALL ALONE JOURNEY would begin.

Till then stay safe. Stay happy.

Love ya!!

Published by skylinerise

In search of life...

15 thoughts on “A Depression Story

  1. Very chilidish. You shouldn’t trust anyone over Internet. By the way you remembered me of a Netflix series. Though i can’t remember the name of the series right now. Very emotional story it is. Never lose hope for a unknown guy. Still a long way to go sister.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. বুঝতে পেরেছেন এটাই সার্থকতা। আমাদের জীবনে এমন অনেক ঘটনা ঘটে যা আমাদেরকে আরো পরিনত করে তোলে। পুরনো কথা ভেবে কখনো হতাশ হবেন না। 😊


  3. বুঝতে পেরেছেন এটাই তো সার্থকতা। তাই না? আমাদের সবার জীবনেই এমন ঘটনা ঘটে থাকে। এবং ঘটনা গুলো আমাদেরকে আরো পরিনত করে তোলে। 😊


  4. Sometimes we all go through this kind of tough situations. This incidents make us more strong and mature. So don’t remember those incidents and go ahead. Written this in bengali twice. I don’t know why the comment disappeared. 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah you are right. To learn from those incidents and move ahead!!
      Well I just checked my spam folder…I do not know why wordpress could not understand the language and automatically had sent it to the spam folder. I will quickly approve the comments. Thank you 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You know even though you are much younger then I am, I enjoy your truth . And I’m actually happy you are experiencing this now and not later on, you have learned so much and are very aware which is like a super power. Be strong, I’ve been a lone warrior all my life. But you got this. Keep writing, it’s the message that helps not only your soul but maybe another young lady trying to find her way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so glad you went through my blogs! Yeah, I think I did experience things a lot ahead of my age but that did help me shape myself into what I am! I am so overwhelmed by your inspiration😊🥰
      If my blog helps somebody, nothing can be more rewarding🥺🥺❤


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