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A Depression Story

Part-III: Searching For Love

In the first part of my story, I had talked of Soyan, Continuing from there I would like to spill out my heart, the many secrets I have been hiding forever….

Soyan and I met in the first standard. We were cool dude together, shared a lot with each other and made each other feel good. I do not know when I started to have a special feeling towards him that I did never ever feel for anyone. During our early days of friendship, we were literally kids of 1st standard. After four or five years, we became even better friends together. Well, I know we were still kids. After about six years of friendship we were in a position where we wanted our eyes to meet but were scared of something. This feeling was totally new to me. I still do not know how to explain that. Maybe it was too childish or maybe it was something else I do not know. Slowly we started drifting away from each other. Our friendship faded. Some unexplainable situations led us apart. I always feared this. I do not know why I always felt that this would happen some day. We drifted too far, stopped talking as we used to and gradually we did not talk to each other at all. I tried a lot to reach out to him but he would just fly away from there. I tried harder and harder for two long years, but of no use. In sixth standard, our classes were changed. He went to a different section and I was in a different one. Everyday for two long years, I would wait for him on the corridor, just to have a glimpse of him, just to make sure that he was there at school. I would pass by his classroom and try to get a peep of him somehow. I would try to reach out to him, talk to him somehow. But nothing was of any use.

I remember saving up my pocket money that my dad gave for the canteen everyday. A ten rupee note would be saved from the twenty rupees I got. I would eat less, come back home walking so that I could save the money. After a month of saving, I could finally collect enough money to buy a chocolate for him. I gave all the money to Caroline and asked her to buy it for me for it was not possible for me to do so (my parents would get to know all about it) and asked her to let Soyan know that he must come to school the next day (probably it was his birthday).

Well, it still makes me smile thinking of all the things that happened.

The next morning I was more than happy, with a smile as broad as the daylight, I got my shoe laces tied and reached my school. Caroline handed me over the chocolate and the rest of the money and I stood in the assembly hall waiting for Soyan. Well, of course he did not come. I stood there as I was standing before but my smile faded. I put the chocolate inside my blazer pocket and went for my classes.

Everyday I would wait for him to come, everyday I would bring the chocolate with me to school. I had never eaten such a big bar myself in my whole life but I saved my money to buy it to him. I waited for him everyday….and the days went by…he did not come. I finally decided to send the chocolate to his home by one of our common friend, lets call him Patrik. He surely delivered it and came to me the next day. I was willing to know his reply. Patrik was silent. Unwilling to say anything. When I forced him to do so, he said, Soyan had been to his grandparent’s house for a week or more. His two sisters were at home. They took the chocolate, finished the whole of it and threw the wrappers outside. Patrik called Soyan and said him the whole thing, in return Soyan said that he never needed anything from me and he would probably slap Patrik on his face if anything such happens further.

I cannot explain what I felt anymore. I think I do not need to explain. With tears in my eyes and a soft smile over my lips I went back home. That night I cried. Suppressing my voice and pain under a pillow, I cried. I never ever again tried to reach out to him. All my efforts were over.

Later I came to know he had been with some girls lately. I do not know who they were. I never bothered to know.

Soyan left the school in ninth standard. I stayed there till the end of tenth. Every year, the school used to hold The Fun Fiesta, where students, parents, teachers would meet together. Beautiful stalls would be put up and people would have lots of fun. Every year during this time in December Soyan would visit the school and everytime I would see him moving around with different girls. Well, I never bothered.

He must have forgotten me. But I didn’t . What he did to me was not to be forgotten ever…..

Published by skylinerise

In search of life...

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