Ever heard of listening to your heart over your mind? It is truly interesting to know what our heart wants and what our mind thinks. Can we really differentiate between our heart and mind? Can we truly know what is correct and what is not? Can we be defined by a single word. All the answer lies in our SOUL. While we are in situations where it is difficult to judge which step to take and which to discard, there is a very faint voice of our soul that guides us always. The only matter is, we rarely listen to it or maybe sometimes we are left with no choice to listen to our soul.
My mind tells me that I should study for I may have my exams in the coming months after the pandemic gets over but my heart says that I need a pause in my life, I need to be alone for a moment, do what I want to do without any fear, work towards loving myself and caring about myself. But I surely know I cannot do that. I am an IIT aspirant and we are not allowed to think of ourselves. The only thing we are supposed to do is to study for 12-14 hours a day. I am tired of this life and need a break. I want to be left alone. Due to the pandemic all institutions and offices are closed. My parents are at home the whole day supervising me. I do not have my own room. My soul wants peace but that too I have to steal because my parents want me to study every moment and literally I am tired of it. There’s always a person in my room, checking on me. Even when I want to watch a movie because I am not feeling good, I have to do it secretly so that my parents do not know about it. Even when I am writing this blog, I am doing it secretly otherwise they would snatch away all devices. They do not like me to be sitting down with my laptop or phone. I should be always looking at my books. Does not matter whether I am just looking at them or certainly reading them. Many a times I just sit down and stare at those pages. But literally they are too boring. My soul wants rest and peace, I do not want to be always controlled, I want to stay alone for a moment, cry alone for some hours but I can’t . There always has to be a reason behind everything that I should report to my parents. Always a person is sitting in front of me, staring at me. I am truly tired of this life. I cannot take it anymore.
A Beginner's Dream 